Deep Cleaning from the Hardware Store

for that baked-on, caked-on, gunky stuff

This isn’t the funniest Far Side cartoon in the world, but you try finding a steel wool meme.

There are all kinds of phrases that get hurled at you when you work in a professional kitchen, but only a few of them can make the jump to home.

“Beat it, douchebag,” was a personal favorite from my days at Union Pacific, but it’s a tad aggressive for the farmers market (I would know).

“How long?” is what cooks say to each other when they’re trying to time their plates to go out together; you hear it all night long during service. I always loved how simple and succinct it was, and how unemotional despite the we’re-in-this-togetherness it implies. Now it’s what I say when my husband orders delivery.

And of course, there’s “oui, Chef,” which is a real thing I really said to my chef-bosses. These days it’s reserved exclusively for my strength coach, Ross, when he tells me how many rounds I have to do of whatever hideous exercise he’s planned for me. Ross used to work in restaurants, too, so he gets it.

Yes, Jeff.

There’s one saying that manages to break through, and sadly, it is extremely annoying to hear in any setting: “If you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean.” Pedantic and twerpy, with an infantile rhyme, it saunters out of my mouth, sans-irony, all too often. Ugh how I loathe myself when I say it … and yet … it’s true. Cooking and cleaning are inextricably intertwined, even if saying so will earn you an eye roll. There’s just no way to work as a cook and not value cleanliness. Messy bed, messy head, etc.

I love a clean kitchen, especially walking into one first thing in the day. I could list off all the things I love most for kitchen cleaning.¹ But this missive is reserved for the ones I get from the hardware store: extra-fine steel wool, and Bar Keeper’s Friend. Two great things that go great together!

Some of my best work.

I used to be a “green scrubby” person. No more. I’ve gone metal. Steel wool is scrunched together from the shavings of steel left after, um, actual steel things are made. We love a resourceful item. And before you get all crazy with me about how rough and dangerous steel wool is on your pots and pans, Brillo is steel wool. Steel wool specifically marketed as a kitchen cleanser. But Brillo doesn’t cut it for me—the metal strands are short and puny, and those little metal pillows morph into a rusty clump of wet lint after one use.

Extra fine steel wool—look for 000 or 0000 on the label—is the cheapest hardest working thing in my kitchen. It can remove oxidized sticky rings of oil from the edge of my stainless skillets in no time; it can return the underside of an enameled Dutch oven to a box-fresh state; it can buff away sticky goo from jar labels; and it can dislodge carbonized bits of food from cast-iron skillets and grill pans. It’s safe on stainless, enamel, carbon, and cast-iron; it will scratch stainless appliances and is no bueno for nonstick.

Pair that steel wool with Bar Keepers Friend Cleanser and you’ve got yourself a party. Bar Keepers is made from a fine abrasive and an acidic ingredient. I’m no chemist, but I’ve used empirical evidence to confirm that it works. Especially when deployed with steel wool.

There are other awesome kitchen things at the hardware store: Mason jars and trash bags; blenders and skillets; camp stoves and charcoal grills. Add the hardware store as a stop on your neighborhood rounds and get a key made while you’re at it. Just don’t say “beat it, douchebag” as you make your way to the cleaning aisle—it’s not very nice.

1. I dare you to dare me!